summer skin

When I can exchange buttoned down shirts for bandanas.
Parkas for swimsuits.
Icicles to popsicles.
Snow flakes to beach waves.
Exams to parties.
Boredom to bonfires.
Midterms to road trips.
Bitten down nails to wind through my hair.
Failing a quiz to diving off a dock.
Stress to relaxation.
Fear to freedom.

Holding my breath
To taking a deep breath of the best months of life.

tuesday afternoon in the library. again.

i plan. 
i love to plan.
plan parties, dinners, dates, most importantly, my future.

once in a blue moon, i become incredibly productive.
today is that day.

i need a great, beautiful, rich, mature amazing Summer.
if all my plans worked out.. here's my next year..

• Move in with Olivia, she's incredibly dedicated to her work, we get along, and we study the same things.
• Ace, and i mean ACE my classes, I was close last semester, I need to do better. But I know what it's taking and I can do it.
• Learn Italian, it's beautiful, if I could even just carry on a simple conversation, I'd be happy.
• Get involved with committees in school, it looks good, and it keeps me busy.
• Find my old, beat down, characteristic apartment by Grand Ave. Then fill it with people and sun tea and antiques and maybe even a fish or ten. More on that later.
• Get my old lovecar back. The impalla. Words cannot describe my love for that car. Wind in my hair, adventures to come. Music to blare. Paychecks to waste on gas. Mmm.
• GET THE INTERSHIP(S). Even ONE would be amazing.
  - Cities 97, non paid, but incredible opportunity.
  -The Current, paid. But digital. MUST LEARN.
  (This is all I want to do with my Summer.)
• Try to keep up these things with him, but remember that my goals are more important.
• Gym. I know that running sucks, and pushing seventy pounds every other day SUCKS. But it's so good for my mood. I just want to keep it up.
• A decent job at college. Another thing to keep me busy.
• Live in Hathorn, the hub dorms of campus. Try to get a desk job in it. 
• Find an awesome roommate. 
• Find the next school, pref in Boston, Seattle, Brooklyn. Somewhere with budding music, impossible to miss personality, and friendly people. All I ask.

I love this idea. I would cut my hair and give all my things away to do this.
When you have everything, you have everything to lose. 
So it only makes sense to have nothing.
But I have dreams, and no one can take those from me.

darling

my heart has grown so accostomed to defeat
in result, it is constantly making
itself locks. vaults. chambers. layers.
when i tell you i give you my all,
i give you all of what i can.
of what's left.
maybe somehow, the layers could
fall apart and the locks go unchained.
until then
you do not posess me.
i am not yours to have.
a wild heart on a winding road.
i haven't started down the path,
but nothing is really stopping me.
you can either hold my unsteady shaking hand,
and walk down this mysterious road with me.
or kiss me goodbye and watch me fly.